2008-01-25 // 10:51 p.m.
[Love you]
Down another vodka and smile, even though it hurts to even raise the corners of my lips, cheeks and jaw aching and tired.
it's fine
i'm not hurting when I see you and don't know if it's ok to touch you
vodka and pills. Stagger to the window for a cigarette and inhale deeper than ever before.
it's fine
really
Numb the hurt and numb the feelings and then cry and tantrum under the sheets because I feel so much more when you're gone and the vodka is seeping through my veins.
But it's okay, I really am fine. And when you cook for me and tell me to eat, please, you need to eat, do it for me I'll smile, i'm just waiting for it to cool, and as soon as you turn away I'll wrap it up in a napkin and wipe my lips and thank you for helping me.
But it really does hurt so much to love you.
